Being a Mommy

 I realized the other day that I haven't been on here since Cam was born... My bad. So after Jeremy and I were told that we would never be able to have kids; we were blessed with the news that I was pregnant with our baby boy. Jeremy deployed and Cam got impatient to come into the world a few times. When Jeremy finally got home he decided it was fine just chilling in my belly more... SO after all of his drama he waited until I was almost 42 weeks. He graced us with his presence the Saturday before the Super bowl. (Feb 4)

I knew I always wanted to be a mom but I NEVER thought that I would love it like I do. Even in the middle of the night all he has to do is smile at me and everything is ok. He is the most beautiful little boy... He flirts and cheeses at strangers and is absolutely in love with his hands... He has been going since day one. He rolled over in his first few days and has been holding his head up so well since day 1.  

There are times where it is rough (just like I knew there would be) and I know that it will all start again with a clean fresh start in the morning... My little man and my buddy ;)

 

My Parrot

Sometimes it's hard being a mom.  [Well, duh, says you.]

There's the never-ending responsibility to keep another human safe and healthy and happy.

There's the new mutant form and level of worry that you never thought to think of before.

There's the daily grind of naps and feedings and play time and naps and feeding and poop.  And barf.

There's the baby talk language that you start to dream in.

There's the laundry.

There's the boogers.  Heaven knows there's the boogers.

But there's the cuddles and the kisses.

There's the chubby hands and perfectly round feetsies.

There's nakey bums and bath time and toots that sneak out that crack me up every.single.time.

There's the clapping and the scooting and the squishy thighs.

There's the giggles and the smiles that melt my inadequacies away.

Because when he looks at me with those big blue eyes, I am enough.

I am just what he needs.  What he wants.  What he loves.  Who he loves.

I am his mommy.  And he is my son.

My boy.

My sweet little buddy that I carry around, perched on my arm like a parrot.

He already sees into my heart, that parrot.  He sees who I want to be.

He sees that I just want to be his mama.  Forever.

And he lets me be.

And the hard times are instantly worth it.

And they'll come again, but that's okay.

Because the kisses will come again, and the giggles, too.  And the toots.

Business with "friends"

So a year ago we (my husband) made a deal with a guy from his work for our living arrangements when we moved to Florida. The deal was simple so that neither of us lost equity in our homes and so that financially it was easier for all parties involved. They were moving to NM the same time we were moving to FL so we were just going to switch houses and pay the utilities while continuing to pay our own mortgages.
Sounds like a great deal. Two friends helping each other out.. And now, months into this agreement, they have decided that it just doesn't work for them anymore. They have 'outgrown' the arrangement and now would like to live on base. We did not hear this from them, it was second hand from people in NM who thought WE KNEW! After talking to them and squeezing the truth out, we found out this was true and would have to put our house up for sale AGAIN (we took it off the market so that they could live there).
So now putting it on the market again has had its own snags. Between them not making meeting set up with the relator and making this whole thing difficult its been a rollercoaster.

Now for the newest part... Our relator finally met with them and told them that before they go on their vacation that they HAD to make it show ready and clean up. She was there today, and alas, the house is trashed. She sent me pics... Apparently this is SHOW READY... I have never wanted a beer so bad.
I am so happy i get to deal with this 7 months pregnant and all by myself... Nice "Friends"

Hurumph...

Things that I've learned as a military wife... You never tell other wives how much something about all of this nonsense is bothering you. You go on with your normal daily business like nothing has changed, and you do so with a smile. And of course, you always smile and laugh when you talk to your hubby while he's away.
Now this isn't my first deployment. I went through one years ago that was 16 months long. This IS however my first with Jeremy. I don't know if its the hormones of the pregnancy or that I have just reached that point, but I am not ok this time. No matter how good my friends are, we always hung out as couples so its not the same. Despite my best efforts to keep myself busy my thoughts are completely eclipsed by this lack of husband.
I consider myself a strong, independent woman, but this is really getting to me. I miss him. Jeremy is truly my best friend and my partner in everything we do. Having him away has sent me to this place in my head that I would desperately like to escape. I hate sounding like this and I hate feeling like this. But I don't want to do this for the long haul. I want to have our baby and have him retire and have him home. I want my family.
The complications with my pregnancy aren't helping this whole thing. Waking up at 3am to go to the ER by yourself and drive yourself is not a fun time. Jeremy and I do those things together. From the start any and all Dr appointment that either one of us has had we go together. Its just not the same...
I know that it makes it harder in some aspects, but I want to have this kid soon so I can have something/someone to occupy my thoughts and time. Its not easy being all alone in your head constantly... 

Oh to be a AF wife...

So I guess I should start this off with saying how much I respect my husband and what he does... It is an amazing thing to be so dedicated to something that you literally occasionally put the lives of others before your own. He amazes me... that being said; the wives that come along with the job are a trip...

I went to a 'briefing' today and was amazed by some of the ignorance and weakness of some of these women. This isn't something new, these women have been around the military for awhile... They know what to expect and what they 'signed up for' and yet here they are putting on display their ignorant bliss. This is something I do not understand...

I trust my husband to tell me what I need to know and sometimes what I don't need to know but he likes to keep me happy and in the loop. When he talks to me he understands that I will not have the dreaded 'mental breakdown' and that when he needs it; I am there to talk to him and understand what he is saying. It is a wonderful give and take. Listening to some of these women it makes me think that they just put their fingers in their ears and scream "La La La I not listening" while stomping their feet on the floor. What rock were you under before you come to this briefing?

But its not all bad.. In fact some of the ignorance provides me (and some other friends that will remain unnamed) with some entertainment.

Im starting to enjoy my time in FL... but it only will be better when we have a home

Beaches aren't the same as Mountains...

The Hubs thinks he's kinda artsy... ;) He got all emo and such when we were at the beach. 

The dogs have never seen water before (besides the dreaded bath..) and it turned out

differently then I expected.. Gunner (our husky) ended up loving it... Running in and playing with the water. but Chemo (our lab) either wanted nothing to do with it, or was trying to attack it. 

Florida is beautiful Im just kinda home sick. The sister is prego and i can't go to any of her appointments and my family is so far away. 

BUT... I went out last night with this 'spouses' group thing... It was fun... Im not used to being with only women for that long, but they were fun. I'm learning a lot with the being a spouse and not active duty any more... Although it seems some of these women think that they served and flew Pave Low. THAT is something I just do not understand. 

I miss my girls in ABQ!!!! Between work and my (awesome spouse) friends, I am out some really good company. 

New Place, New Problems

The last night I had in my own bed was Jan 4th... Then it was on to a hotel, on to another one and three more... Now we are in a home that is not mine, surrounded by things that do not belong to me in a town that is new and far away from my family and friends... Im trying to smile and be ok and make the most out of it, but when you can't have anything to distract you from what is lacking it is hard... But I guess this is what I signed up for so maybe I should just buck up and get over it...

We had fun on the way here... Dallas was awesome... I got to bungee jump and get back to being the beer buddy my husband has missed... New Orleans was an experience... Walking around the french quarter with beer in my hand was AWESOME!!! It was SOOO cold... A girl slipped a shot of rum in my coffee, I learned not to talk to anyone cause the next thing you know he's on his knees shining your shoes and wants twenty bucks, Don't buy tickets on line for a tour cause they won't show up...

I went to the east coast for the first time... The beach is beautiful but its not my mountains...

Here we go Florida... I hope you are good to me.